Well, Maybe

Script:  Well, Maybe…

Characters:

TURNER
CLAIRE, A SONGBIRD SCOUT (LIKE A GIRL SCOUT)
JOE
PETE
JUDY

Scene takes place in a typical living room. TURNER is flipping channels on the TV remote when the doorbell rings.

SFX:  DING-DONG!

TURNER answers the door.  CLAIRE, a Songbird Scout, enters.

CLAIRE (very perky and rapid)

Hi, I’m Claire Patterson, a third-year scout in Troop 14 of the Songbird Scouts.  We’re going door to door in Wood Acre Ridge to ask upstanding citizens, like yourself, to buy one or more boxes of Songbird Scout Cookies.  A box is an affordable way to support wholesome activities for young women, like myself.  (leaning in, brutally honest) And, the girl who sells the most boxes wins a Karaoke Machine.  I’ve already sold 62 boxes, but Sally Jorgenson has sold 83, so I need to have a good week.

TURNER

Sounds interesting.  What flavors do you have this year?

CLAIRE (rattling them off like a robot)

Happy-O’s, Animal Friendlies, Peanut Butter Dillies, Minty-Mints, Reduced Fat Orange Pastry Flourettes, Coconut Sunshines, and PBJ Chockos…

TURNER

Mmm–mmm.  Tell me more about those Coconut Sunshines.

CLAIRE (reading from a brochure)

Coconut Sunshines are delicate chocolate cookies drenched in caramel, sprinkled with toasted coconut and laced with white chocolate stripes.

TURNER

And the Happy-O’s?  What are those?

CLAIRE

Rich, chocolatey filling sandwiched between two crunchy vanilla cookies and embossed with the word “happy” in many languages.

TURNER

How about those Minty-mints?  Those have a catchy name.

CLAIRE (she hands him the brochure)

Here, mister.  You can read all about ‘em.  So what do you think?  You interested or not?

TURNER

How much?

CLAIRE

Three dollars a box.

TURNER

Do I get a discount if I buy five boxes?

CLAIRE

No, not really.  They’re just three dollars a box.  But we’re going on a trip to the Alamo in July if we can sell enough boxes.

TURNER

The Alamo?  That’s one of America’s most fascinating tourist attractions. I hear thousands of people from all over the world visit there each year.  I watched a few minutes of a TV special about the Alamo once – seems like an interesting place. That’s in Texas, you know.

CLAIRE  (she hands him a pen)

Yes sir.  I know.  So can I put you down for five boxes?  Just sign right here on the form.

TURNER

Now hold on there. I’m excited about the cookies, and the Alamo, and all, but….

CLAIRE

Sir, are you going to buy any?

TURNER

Weeeeeeelllllll (long hesitation) Maybe I will, or maybe I won’t. Maybe I can, or maybe I can’t. Maybe I’ll do it ORRR maybe I won’t… (Slams door.)

He sits back down on the sofa.  Starts flipping the remote again.

TURNER

I wonder if there’s a nature show on TV … or maybe a tennis match … Ah, “The Beverly Hillbillies” …oh, drats – I’ve seen this episode….

SFX:  Ding-Dong!

Turner gets up.  Two of his buddies – JOE and PETE — barge in wearing Star Trek uniforms.

JOE

Turner!  Dude, you won’t believe what we’ve got!

PETE (enticingly)

Tickets to the Star Trek convention …

TURNER

…at the Civic Center?!

PETE

You got it, man!  The largest gathering of Trekkers east of the Mississippi.  

JOE

Memorabilia.  Trading Cards.  Action Figures!!  They’re releasing the teaser trailer for the next movie, and  –

PETE

— get this – signing autographs — the guy who was the stunt man for Worf in “Generations!”

TURNER

Sounds like the chance of a lifetime.  

JOE

AND – we’ve got VIP passes to the Borg Bash, the Klingon Kookout, and the Deep Space Dance!

TURNER

How the heck did you get ‘em?

PETE

Won ‘em.  Internet Trivia Contest.  

JOE

Yeah, he was the only one who knew who played Intern #2 in “Star Trek IV:  The Voyage Home.”

PETE (remembering fondly)

Greg Karas.

TURNER

You guys just came over to see if I’d drive.  You know I’m touchy about taking my new car into the city….

JOE

No, no!  I sold my Ensign Chekov Porcelain Plate Collection and rented us a limo!   It’s waiting outside.  We just want you to come along!  It’s gonna be awesome.

PETE

Grab your camera and coat.  If we don’t get in line by eleven, we’ll be too late to meet the guy who played Alien Number Three in the deleted scene of Original Series Episode 29. 

JOE

So what do you say, man?  You going or what?

TURNER

Weeeeeeelllllll (long hesitation) Maybe I will, or maybe I won’t.

He turns away, pondering, rubbing his chin.  

TURNER (continuing)

Maybe I can, or maybe I can’t. Maybe I’ll do it ORRRRR maybe I won’t…

His buddies look at each other, realize he can’t decide, and leave.

He sits, again flipping the remote.

TURNER

A ski show… Nah.  An infomercial for a gas grill.   Nah.  Oh!  A rerun of “The A-Team”!  That Mr. T sure was a bad dude …  But, I think I’m in the mood for baseball… Or maybe “Jeopardy” would be more compelling…

SFX: DING-DONG!

Turner’s girlfriend, JUDY, opens the door herself and enters expectantly.

JUDY

Hi Turner, I made it!

TURNER

Judy, honey!  How was your flight?

She hugs him.  

JUDY

Oh, I guess it was fine, but – I just missed you so much — it seemed to take forever!  

They sit on the couch, holding hands.  

JUDY (continuing, tenderly)

I’ve been counting the hours until we could be together again.

TURNER

Me too, honey.

He puts his arm around her.  They snuggle romantically.

JUDY

It’s so wonderful to be here again in your arms.  

TURNER

The last two weeks have felt like two years!

JUDY

You know … if I lived here in town we wouldn’t have to continue this long distance relationship.  

TURNER

That’s true.  But you’d have to give up your job in Dallas.

JUDY

Well, you know, if things got serious between us … I could look for a job around here.

TURNER

What do you mean, serious?

JUDY

You know what I mean – my ring finger looks very lonesome.

She holds up her hand – considering what it would look like to have an engagement ring there.

TURNER

Your ring finger?  You mean, get married?  

JUDY

Yes – that’ s exactly what I mean.  I did mention your name in my Christmas letter.

TURNER

That you did.

JUDY

And we looked really cute in that picture we had taken at the photo booth at the mall last month.  The expression on your face in the third one from the top suggested that you are a bit “smitten.”

TURNER (smiling)

You and me, huh?   We are perfect for each other.

JUDY

…dressed to the nines, all our friends around, walking down the aisle…?  

TURNER

Sounds … interesting.

JUDY

Sounds … wonderful.

TURNER

You, Judy Gordon, are wonderful.

JUDY

Turner, I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you…

TURNER

And I love you too.  

JUDY

Does this mean what I think — are you going to propose to me?

TURNER

Weeeeeeellllll (long hesitation) Maybe I will, or maybe I won’t.

He stands and turns away, pondering, rubbing his chin.  

TURNER (continuing)

Maybe I can, or maybe I can’t. Maybe I’ll do it ORRRRR maybe I won’t…

BLACK OUT