(DEMETER is centerstage, dimly lit. She is costumed in a stiff, marbelized robe and stands motionless on a pedestal. Her face is covered in thick grey pancake makeup. The effect is that of a Greek statue. As the lights come up, she slowly wakes up and begins to move stiffly. She remains fixed to her pedestal as she performs the monologue, only moving her face and arms.)
Welcome to Greece. Home of gods and goddesses, and family dysfunction for centuries. Zeus barked at me, “Demeter, you look stoned. Pull yourself together and look alive!” I told him he could stick that lightning bolt up the next cloud he found it.
Look alive?! Look alive?! My family has been dragged through hell. Quite literally. Talk about family dysfunction, I can’t go anywhere without getting strange looks.
My brother Zeus told my other brother Hades that he could marry my daughter…. making my brother my son-in-law ….and my daughter… my sister-in-law… Is this Greece or Jerry Springer?
Well, you think your in-laws are bad? Let me just say that family reunions are a living hell. Imagine your daughter comes home and announces she’s marrying the prince of darkness, it’s just hard to know what is the appropriate response.
They don’t make an etiquette book for this kind of thing you know. As my daughter walks down the aisle, I thought to myself, she looks like death warmed over. Talk about your beauty and the beast.
And my brother… I mean son-in-law … is so cheap, he never uses the air conditioning, and when I go to visit, it’s always as hot as Hades at his place.
And do you know why I lost my daughter? Do you know why she will be kept in the underworld for the rest of her life….I lost her eternally to a pomegranate of all things! A pomegranate!
Her whole life I told her to eat better… Whole wheat grain from the land I provided… And she goes on this fruits and vegetables kick, sinks her teeth into a pomegranate in the underworld. And I’ve lost her forever.
(Her flippancy is replaced with a moment of vulnerability.)
I miss my daughter. I’ve lost more than you could ever comprehend in a lifetime. Does anyone know the depth of loss that comes from losing your only child? Of missing someone you love so dearly.